Decisons Decisons

Hello My lovely bloggy friends!!

Ever since I got sick things have just totally spun out of my control. I am a total type A personality and can't not deal with the unknown. I need to be in control of every situation I am in and every decison I make has a plan B,C,D,E to follow if it doesn't work out.

8 months ago this was the plan. Move to Halifax, go to Dalhousie, Make friends, Volunteer as much as possible, work really hard and get all A's, network as much as possible, try new things and finish off with a job in therapeutic recreation that pays well. Great plan right? Thats what I thought

Fast forward to now....I'm back home in Montreal, I don't leave the house unless it is to go to the doctor, my schedule revolves around whats on tv and I've never felt this sick in my life.

I didn't really get to immerse myself into my program and the university experience because I started to feel sick pretty soon into first semester and was finding everything so difficult because I was tired and really not feeling well. I was always a little bit weary of my choice to go into therapeutic rec (for those of you who don't know...its like occupational therapy but it works on implementing fun leisure activities for people with special needs or who are elderly,or suffer from addiction etc etc) I have always loved planning events (I'm known for having the best parties...y'all should come) and I've always been really good at helping others..it just comes first nature to me so what could be better?

The problem with the field is that is not well established yet (we're getting there but where I live is the furtherest behind) I realize that your supposed to do what you love but I worry about not getting a job or not having enough money.

I KNOW I KNOW..thats silly because I'll be helping people but honestly living with a disability costs a lot more money then I think I even realize...

If I do drive I am going to have to buy a van because my adaptations take up space and cannot be done in a car.plus my insurance is going to be higher then most because of disability. And if I don't drive I am either going to have to hire someone to chauffeur me around or just constantly pay for taxis

Right now I am on my parents insurance but eventually I am going to be on my own. My medications (which are hopefully temporary except for one) They cost a fortune so lord knows I am going to have to have a job with benefits and that will probably cost more too.

I can't do my hair in a ponytail someone always has to do it for me...so I'm going to find someone who can come and do it for cause I'm that girl who always has my hair in a ponytail because I never like my hair

and my apartment will cost more then most because most accessible places are newer and cost more.

so you can see why I am freaked out about being in an iffy field...I totally could see myself being in Public Relations. Maybe working with a charity or some kind of foundation or something. I would love to do something in PR with fashion but my Momma always said it was unrealistic. I love planning!!

Now I have to decide what i want to go into and what I am supposed to do and I don't have a clue. Ever since I turned 20 I feel like time is going by so fast...plus with missing a year of school I feel like there is no room to explore or waste time.

What do you think I should do?

Clothes,Clothes and More Clothes

It's Wishful Wednesday over at The Seattle Smiths I was super excited when I saw that this week's topic is I wish' I had .....as my personal closet and could shop from it daily. I love clothes and fashion like its my job. Every since I was a little girl an outfits would totally change my day. If I was happy with what I was wearing I'd walk around as proud as a peacock with my head held high.

So without further ado



I wish' .... I had Urban Outfitters as my personal closet and could shop from it daily.

I am so upset that I can order online from this store. you see there this whole stupid fight that has been going on in Quebec for a long time. The french separatists would like Quebec to separate from the rest of canada and turn completely french and get rid of all the english. so because urban outfitters didn't have a french version of there site they shut it down for Quebec residents until they fix it...I know shitty right?

My Dad is always saying how if we won the loto the first thing he would do is build me a walk in closet for me (Boy does he know his little girl) I would love to have urban outfitters at my disposal without having to max out my favorite piece of plastic I like to call Ms. Visa...my better half

Honorable Mention goes out to J Crew (we don't have on in Canada) Planet Blue and Anthropologie. Let it be known that I never purchase from these stores..my wallet doesn't allowed but oh if only I could

what are your favorite stores?

Top 2 Tuesday!

Its top 2 Tuesday over at The Undomestic Momma and with the newest of the latest Bachelor breakup...


What better topic then top 2 reality shows




1. Giuliana & Bill I love this couple so much. They are so cute and so fun and seem so real.



2. Anything on TLC... this channel takes up a good portion of my life. I love it!! I love Four Weddings, Battle of the Designers, The Little Couple, 19 kids and counting, little people big world..you get the point




If a producer walked up to me and asked me to be in my own reality show I don't think I'd refuse ...Wonder what it would be called...haha that be fun:) In all seriousness I think if I could be on any reality show I think I would like to be on The Bachelorette. Free VACAY Hello?

calling out to all my fav bloggers..i need your help

That time has come again (no not aunt flow) haircut and coloring time. I don't about you ladies but I find it so hard to chose I style and color because I feel like I get wrapped up in what to look like that particular person like face and all. I really wanna change things up. Being sick and all i think i deserve a totally new look.

do you guys have any suggestions on what color and what kind of cut should get? If you have any ideas please share

Is It Circumstance Or Is It Me?

Last night I watched Losing it with Jillian and something really struck a cord with me. Jillian was talking to one of the kids in the family about why she let herself get like this and why she doesn't try harder. After a little interrogation ...she said because I feel like a failure (she failed out of nursing school)

Of course I start boo hooing because thats what I do. This really hit hard and hit home because honestly I feel like a failure. A BIG ONE.

When I was 18 I decided to apply for job as a councilor at a camp for kids with disabilities in Saskatchewan. I have a friend who lives there so I planned to live them. I was so excited that I got the job. It was 6 days and week and being on call at night and one day off but I loved. I loved tucking people in getting hugs and just spending time with people who appreciated it and were full of love. they made every moment of my time worth while and honestly i would have done the job for free. Perfect right? Wrong! My supervisor for some reason didn't like me or the fact that I was working with people with disabilities and I had one myself. She'd come in at night and take to my coworker and not even acknowledge me. Then one day...just my luck I went to lift my walker over a step and I tripped backwards and hit my head pretty hard. Great ..she already hates me lets show my incompetence..I had really bad concussion and an hour after...while i was having a hard time staying awake she called me in for my performance appraisal and said someone like you should not be working somewhere like here..I was totally hurt but too sick to defend myself. what went down from there was her and her friend telling our bosses lies about me and as a result i got demoted. I no longer would be spending as much time with the kids. once i got better i was able to go into my boss and defend myself and was able to prove that what said were lies. i later left the job and went home

FAIL NUMBER 1

I think I posted about this before but I had my heart broken by a boy I was totally WRONGFULLY falling for. I met him when I was 15 and had just left my high school and after all the bullying. It September I would be starting at a new school. We met on an exchange in the summer. It was different then anything I had ever experience it just felt right. After 2 years after that of falling in and out of contact I wrote him and decided to invite him to prom. He said yes. He came here for a week and is was a rocky road. I could not figure him out one day he was into it and the next he wasn't until the last night he was here. He said he wanted me to come home to where he lived with him to meet his fam and make us official. I thought I must have been wrong about the mixed signals but when we are on the plane there he said "your my best friend but I think we should just be friends." great time to tell me right? so i had to go and meet is fam and sleep there cuz i couldn't get a flight home until the next day:(

FAIL NUMBER 2

Going Away to School Didn't turn out either as you guys know...I was there two months and boom I got sick and still not feeling so I won't be going back this year :(

FAIL NUMBER 3

I've been taking driving lessons for awhile...I used an adapted vehicule (a big truck) Instead of using a brake and gas pedal I use a joystick appratus..I push forward for the brake and pull back for the gas. It hasn't really been going fantastic. I am really nervous driving and I have a hard time turning properly ..so today my instructor said next week will be my evalution with an occupational therapist and she will decide whether to continue the lessons or me not drive ever again. he said he doesn't think i'll be a driver. there goes that dream and any hope of being more independent or a little more like anyone

FAIL NUMBER 4

I don't know when I'm gonna get something right..I feel like life is going down to toilet bit by bit. Sorry for getting all poor me but its been a rough friggin day

hope y'all r well

Top 2 Tuesday!

Its Top 2 Tuesday over at the undomestic momma. Go check her out if you haven't she is an absolute doll!! This weeks topic is guilty pleasures. Let me just say asking me to pick just two is so unfair lol

1. Listen to Chistmas Music...even when its not christmas

I don't know theres just something about christmas that calms me and puts me in a good mood..I love it all! My favorite christmas album (modern one) is Jessica Simpson ReJoyce


2 Shopping alone or with friend or my mom (she often will pick up something for me ..love her) although i prefer to be alone. Iove shopping for clothes or maybe or anything really. I dont like shopping for shoes if the store is mostly empty or I'm alone. i dont like all the attention from the sales people. i feel pressure

side note: i also really love tv...reality (shows on tlc..the hills. the city, losing it with jillian) and girly shows like one tree hill,9010. greek, gossip girl melrose place and the list goes on...ohh i also love cbs comedy...ok ok i know i watch too much tv

Miscellaneous Mondays

It's Miscellany Monday over at Lowercase Letters. I love this idea of making monday less mundane by sharing some fun little timbits of random info with you guys so here goes...

One: I really wish I was southern belle. Sometimes I say y'all and try to put an accent on some of my words and pretend like its just the way I speak when my friends say what the heck is that? Give me a break I'm just trying to channel my inner Reese Witherspoon

Two: I think being on the Bacherlorette would be a GREAT IDEA. As long as you realize your not gonna find real love ur good to go. Hello free vacations, life of luxury, kissin some boys...ok men...ok frogs and finish off with a stint on dancing with the stars...downside I see none

Three. I hate grass ...no not the kind you smoke.. i mean really grass. I hate the way it feels on my feet. i hate that there are bugs crawling in it, i hate sitting in it..i just don't like it

Four: I hate diet soft drinks but I drink them because they're low cal