My weird little life

Seriously my OCD tendacies lol cause me to not update has often as I would like. I have all these ideas of things I want to tell you and then i think its stupid and I don't post it. New idea? I am going to put a notebook next to my bed and jot down all my thoughts..I seem to come with things right before I fall asleep...

Ever hear the song Something More by Sugarland? Theres a line that says "there's gotta be something more, gotta be more than this. I need a little less hard time, I need a little more bliss" Thats pretty much how I feel right now. I got a call from the people in charge of my scholarship and they basically said that if I don't go back to school in the fall, there are many more deserving people who could be getting the scholarship.

I get it, I totally do but its not like I've been just taking a break I'M SICK!! I'm on a lot of strong meds and I find it difficult to get off the couch most days. I wish that you my bloggie friends got to know me as the "real" (ok behind the computer screen) Aly. When I was in school instead of the regular 7 classes I took 8. I volunteer at a childrens hospital, I vlounteer for two environmental groups, I was the president of the disabilities club, I spent time with my best buddy ( a mentally disabled person) and managed to fit in homework and the hills..all in a days work. I was busy and what i wish is that everyone could understand that this is not me. This is NOT what I want and this is NOT what I asked for.

Talk about built up stress! I just feel like everything I've worked so hard for is slowly being pulled away and I don't what to do? Anyone out there ever go through something like this with an illness? I'm nauseous all the time and I get pain in my belly when I eat but ever test I've had done is clear hmmmmm all I can say is Dr.Oz, Oprah says your the man can you help me?