Friday, June 11, 2010

REVAMP

Hi Y'All
So I know I’ve been gone for awhile but you weren’t out of my mind. I had been thinking about having someone professionally design my blog (for those of you wondering why I didn’t do it myself..simple I am Not tech savvy at all) I thought it was gonna be like a 2 day process but apparently I’m a bit of a control freak and a perfectionist and I made it go a little longer than planned (sorry Jen you were amazing to work with thank you for putting up with me)
I was totally inspired by this website I recently stumble on it and inspired the blog update. Operation Beautiful is a movement started by a woman named Caitlin to encourage women to feel beautiful in their own skin. The whole point of the movement is for people to leave post it notes with confidence boosting messages like “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL” in different places you go for strangers to find.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share the details of what happened to me because I feel like talking about it is like saying “Poor Me” but after seeing what one person can do with a post it note I think its time I open up and maybe help someone else by doing so.
When I was 15 and in my early years of high school I was viciously bullied. The boys in my grade would push and shove me, try to trip me and basically try to beat me up any chance they got. For a young girl you can imagine what that feels when most girls are trying to hump whatever they can find but somehow what they want to do to you is physically harm you. But these boys were the least of my worries. Girls ripped me apart verbally every day of week…to the point where I had to hide in my helpers office to order to prevent a situation.. there were lots of different words thrown at me but I think the worst thing said to me that hurt the most was “YOU ARE NOTHING…YOU’RE A BITCH. THE ONLY REASON WHY ANYONE WOULD EVER TALK YOU IS BECAUSE YOUR DISABLED AND PEOPLE PITY. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE…NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU” I remember being completely thrown and thinking Oh My goodness is this true am I going to be alone? Is this what everyone thinks of me? I was mortified (this happened in my school cafeteria and the room fell silent for this girls little speech. I don’t think I ever been the same after that day.
I went through a lot that year but thankfully I changed schools and my life changed drastically. I made friends who genuinely to this day love me for me. The thing is my environment changed but I didn’t and in a lot of ways still haven’t. years have gone by, I have grown up and have had many different experiences but in a lot of ways I still feel like that girl being ripped apart every single day. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t love what I see, I pick myself apart and everyday I look at the world around me and I just don’t measure up. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough you get the picture. I realize as I get older that I am much harder on myself then those taunting kids ever were. It is 3 years later and I am sure those people who made my life hell don’t remember me but I remember them…they are with me everyday.
I am slowly realizing that if I want my life to change I have to change the way I think and see myself. I want to love myself and I want to help others feel the same way. So I want you to know that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU. Your differences are what make you YOU and you should fill your world people who love you for those differences. I hope you’ll join me on my journey to find myself and the life I want to life☺

1 comment:

  1. Keep your chin up lady and do not let anyone depict your mood. I am LOVING your layout. WOW, did Jenn do good!!!

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